Writing is my best friend and worst enemy.

I love writing, but the more I write the more I realize how difficult it is to translate my thoughts into words. I see writing as an art, but I don’t necessarily consider myself a creative. I think it’s beautiful when someone is able to convey their most personal thoughts and deepest emotions. Some people are an open book, but I am not one of those people. To me, feeling vulnerable is a very scary thing. I think it’s brave to put yourself out there, as I’m slowly learning to be more open and not as afraid. I think I’m a terrible writer, but I once heard somewhere that it doesn’t matter whether or not you’re good at something, do what you love and the rest will follow.

I write almost everyday, mostly about my thoughts and experiences. I do a lot of journaling, blogging, and tweeting, often reading FADER magazine articles about music as well as Complex features about fashion, since both play a very vital role in my life. I’m always reflecting, and I find that writing helps to alleviate stress and allows me to organize my brain, which is why I try to write everything down, no matter how trivial. While creative writing is an outlet for me, academic writing has the opposite effect. When writing essays, I find myself experiencing a lot of unnecessary anxiety, which is something I want to overcome. I’m the kind of writer who obsesses over sentence structure and word choice; if a sentence doesn’t feel right to me I can’t move on to the next. This has caused me to become a very slow worker and developed into a bad habit that I really want to grow out of. I’m not very fond of the editing and drafting process, but I understand that it’s something I need to be accustomed to in order to improve. I have an insatiable appetite for growth, and it includes my hunger to mature as writer.  

I struggle a lot with structure and organization, which makes me very nervous about 39C. I have a lot of trouble when it comes to preparation for essays. In high school I learned a lot about prose and literature and not much about research. I took AP English Language and AP English literature. My teacher at the time was one of my favorites. She was highly stimulating and helped peak my interest in the subject. She taught us how to spot rhetorical devices in narratives and how to use them in composition. I really enjoyed the class because I prefer the more subjective side of writing, like listening to spoken word, analyzing poetry and lyrics, and discovering underlying meaning in stories. Research and arguments however, I do not enjoy at all, perhaps because I lack the right skills and knowledge in this area. Ever since high school I haven’t taken any writing classes that were as inspiring. I took 39B during my first quarter as a freshmen, but I don’t feel like it was helpful because it was repetitive of what I have already learned. I’m now a second year and I don’t remember much of the class at all. 

Over the course of my college years, I have come to understand that my relationship with writing is a paradox. When I feel free, she’s kind to me and the language flows. When I’m forced and constricted, she’s against me. I know that this class will be difficult, but I’m here to learn and I hope to gain a new perspective and fall in love with writing all over again.