Hongbo Zhang

Professor Keeler

WR 39A

November 23, 2021 

                                                      Social Relationships Contribute to Achieve Happiness

    I like to give all present and future, known or unknown things a own definition.

    For the majority of people, when you ask them what is happiness, their answer are very likely to be the “joyful moments” in life. For instance, the taste of vanilla ice-cream, the sky full of stars, or even seeing your gorgeous puppy when you open your eyes in the morning. In the research paper “The Secret to Happiness: Feeling Good or Feeling Right?” by Maya Tamir, psychologists argue that “happiness involves maximizing pleasant emotions and minimizing unpleasant emotions (Tamir).” To me, happiness is more than feeling good. Mathematical saying would be happiness “equals to and larger than joy”.

    Ye Qiao, a famous Chinese essayist, novelist, and screenwriter. In her book “two kinds of happiness”, she defines happiness into two kinds - "visible happiness" and "intangible happiness". She believes that visible happiness is the shell, the form, the base and the support. In contrast, Intangible happiness is the core, the content, the sublimation. Without intangible happiness, visible happiness is too super-facial. Without visible happiness, intangible happiness is too hollow.

    Happiness is comprehensive and an aggregate. Bertrand Russell once said “To be without some of the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness.” With a smile and inner satisfaction, happiness flows slowly across the long river of our life like a clear and warm current. As the research paper “The Neuroscience of Happiness and Pleasure” by Morten L. Kringelbach and Kent C. Berridge indicate that “Humans are intensely social, and data indicate that one of the most important factors for happiness is social relationships with other people (Kringelbach).” People achieve happiness by having relationships and bonds with others. There are three most essential social relationships among one’s life: Family, Friendship, Love

    Family bond is the first social relationship human would have when they come to this world. Since this is the one social relationship that most people have from the second they start breathing, “family relationships are enduring and consequential for well-being across the life course (Thomas, Liu, Amberson)”. So, maintaining good family relationships contributes to achieving happiness.  

    I still remember that I was a lost and lonely boy when I left home for the first time at the age of fourteen to study aboard in America. The first time I took a flight to a strange country with two big suitcases and a blue backpack with no family member accompanied. Back in 2016, "Rap of China"(a Chinese rap TV show) had just come to an end, and some touching songs from the show played in some Chinese restaurants made me want to cry. Mrs. Swanigan, my high school English teacher, once assigned us the essay title as “homesick”. At that night when I came home after school, I sat on chair thinking what do I miss. I thought about my mother’s smiling face every morning, I thought about my father’s warm hugs, I thought about my two cute puppies back home, and I thought about the song “Five Hundred Miles”. Hearing the lyrics “Away from home, away from home. lord, I’m five hundred miles away from home”, I looked out through the window, starring at the stars, my face covered by tears. What kind of emotion is homesickness? Do I truly miss the home or just that comfortable zone of me being familiar with everything around?

    I didn't know my answer to this question until my friend sobbed out her sadness to me. Her grandfather passed away. I’ve been knowing her since a child which I understand how painful this must be to her. I burst into tears and instantly remembered my grandfather. Although he is always worried about the time bomb of leukemia recurrence, he treats his life the best he could. As my mother always wished "the greatest happiness I wish for this year is that my family always be safe and happy." every time when we go to the temples during new year festival. This is also my greatest happiness. It's a kind of happiness to eat noodles and fried rice cooked by my mother again; It's a kind of happiness to sit in the courtyard playing chess with my father; It's a kind of happiness to drink tea with my grandparents and have a conversation imagining what my future life will be like; It's a kind of happiness to have a long walk with my dogs and watch them chasing after each other. I’m always inspired by their innocence. All family companionship is happiness to me. 

    However, this happiness, which is supposed to be very simple, gradually becomes more and more difficult and precious with aging. This “luxury” happiness, I hope we all can cherish before they fade away.

    Friendship comes second when people made friends with other little babies after  they were born. A study by experts claims that “friends provide companionship (in addition to more social trust and less stress), intimacy, and help, which increase an individual’s life satisfaction (Amati, Meggiolaro)”. Apparently, friendship is a crucial contributor for achieving happiness.  

    "Years and times wash the dirt away for me, and you are left. My world always change, but only you can decode it." These two lines of lyrics are from the song "Another Me in The World" which I sung to my best friend Lisa Zhao this June before I left home. I often wonder what defines the word “world”? People give various answers to this question. My answer is straightforward: The people. Friends are always there no matter how your world change. The touching texts, letters and postcards sent from other side of the world warm me when ever I feel lonely. The clear handwriting and lovely words in each letter and postcard can always appease my anxious mood. I have known Lisa for three years. What many people don't understand is that we are just penfriend met on social media. But the encouragement, trust, happiness, courage and other positive emotions given to each other are real and are way more authentic than those of who claim to be your “good friends”. Maybe your friends are around, maybe they are far away from you, or just a penfriend you have never ever met in real life, but the friendship overcomes distance. These shining sparks in interactions with others bloom colorful happiness and render our lonely life like a rainbow.

    The last scene of Andy and Red hugging each other at beach in “The Shawshank Redemption” inspired me from the bottom of my soul. The care and support of friendship is God's generous gift. I received a message from her this week: “I know it’s almost Thanksgiving there and I just want to say that I’m grateful to have you as my friend and take care of yourself.” I feel exactly the same way to have her as my friend who always support me.

    Love is the third social relationship you have when you begin to think about someone all day and just can’t get the person out your head.

    What is love? "In the past, there were no cars, and the horses and mails were slow to deliver so that you would only have enough time to love one person in your life." This is the answer my grandfather gave me.

    Speaking of love, it seems like youth is always tied with the first love. Lucky people get to “hold the hand of their children and age with them", and for those who are not that lucky "lock their memories in the diary". I’m not brave enough to say love, its responsibilities and obligations make me fear and hesitate. How do I describe the difference between like and love? I believe like is when you see a gorgeous flower blooming in the garden and you take it off the branch. In contrast, love is that you water the flower and cherish it until it completely gives its blossom. Back in high school, a girl from my Literature class once wrote me a note that says “the feeling of like is not necessarily love, but love must be higher than like.” One rainy day, she ran back to the classroom after school and she sat on her seat and started putting all the books on her desk into her backpack. I asked her, "why did you come back suddenly? It rained so heavily." She looked up at me and a drop of rain fell on my desk from her wet hair. She smiled, and said "when the teacher mentioned Romanticism during class today, I thought of you. Even it’s rained heavily outside, I still wanted to come back to see you and perhaps take my books by the way. Then she left, leaving me a sight of her back; She left, leaving me a past and memories. I'm not that lucky.

    Although many things in life don’t always go the way as smooth and satisfactory as expected, I understand that not everything has an answer and a why, so I choose to throw all my confusion into the sea. The pity which are thought very painful at present could somehow be a simple little beauty from youth, an unforgettable experience, or a regret that people can't give up after years and years. When I saw my parents standing next to each under the stunningly beautiful sunset, I was reluctant to press the photo button. The so-called eternity can't be recorded. "One person for one life". The happiness for the the rest of the life is probably the posture of standing side by side with the person you truly love and smiling to the unknown future world. These blessings and happiness brought by social relationships are the strength and the hope for the future. This is my definition of happiness.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

                                                                                      Works Cited

Kringelbach, M. L., & Berridge, K. C. (2010). The Neuroscience of Happiness and Pleasure. Social research. Retrieved November 25, 2021, from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3008658/.

Maya Tamir, M., & Oishi, S. (n.d.). The Secret to Happiness: Feeling Good or Feeling Right? Journal of Experimental Psychology: General. Retrieved November 25, 2021, from https://pt.scribd.com/document/413200550/STEM-Journal-2017-2018.

Thomas, P. A., Liu, H., & Umberson, D. (2017, November 11). Family relationships and well-being. Innovation in aging. Retrieved December 8, 2021, from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5954612/.

Amati, V., Meggiolaro, S., Rivellini, G., & Zaccarin, S. (2018, May 4). Social Relations and Life Satisfaction: The role of friends. Genus. Retrieved December 8, 2021, from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5937874/.