I’ve never remembered a moment where I’ve seen my parents smile at each other.

“We are just not compatible and simply different types of people,” said Mummy. 

Her hands were on the kitchen counter, and her eyes were welling up with tears. Mom has expressed the same sentiment for years.

It’s always been like this. A house with two parents but not two lovers. I've never thought the chasm between them would affect me, but that viewpoint has recently shifted. I suppose it's because I've reached the age where everyone falls in love.

I am in college now, every other sight on the university campus consists of lovers. 

“Why don’t you have a boyfriend kunje? '' asked Mummy. 

I am not really the type to have such open conversations with my mother so I was surprised she asked this. 

I spent a lot of time thinking about the question and wondering why I didn't answer it. It wasn't that I didn't have the opportunity to do so; it was just that I was always divorced from the urge to show and receive affection.

I replied, “I’ve always loved the idea of love but when I think about the things necessary to be successful in a relationship, I always find I don't think that I will be able to be enough for a person.”

My mom looked at me in sadness. 

“Kunje, do you feel this has to do with your father and I’s issues?”

She patiently awaited an answer, but I could see she was in pain on the inside.

I never would solely put the blame of me not finding my version of happiness and love on my parents. I thought about how maybe because I didn’t grow up seeing that sort of affection between my parents could be the reason I grew to be so disgusted when I saw people show their affection for each other. 

Again I emphasize there are other factors to this outcome. For all I know it could be I just don’t think that that is a means of happiness for me. 

“No. No it doesn't because it's almost like I know what not to look for. I think I'm so similar to you so I would want someone who was my friend first than anything,” I said.

I layed next to her. We stayed silent for a while.

My mother is an insanely hard working woman. She left her home at 19 to a different country so she can work and provide for her family. She works 6 days out of the week and spends her resting time teaching my sister who suffers from a learning disability. I have absolutely no right to blame her for a thing. 

 I will always have respect for my father, he has a good heart. But I’ve come to the conclusion that two people need to be friends before lovers, I think then will be the pound where affection will be warranted. I’ve learned so much in the 19 years, and the importance of continuity when it comes to a romantic life partner. 

I never thought about how my parent’s relationship would affect me until I grew older. It was not a norm in my house for at the end of the day for my parents to walk into the same room. Often I would sleep with my mom and sister and I never really questioned why that was. Actually, I was happy because I never felt lonely. 

My parents both individually have showered me with nothing but love and spared no expense when it came to make me happy. They both express their love in very apparent ways. I am lucky to say I am blessed to have that as I know of many of my Indian American friends who do not share this same experience with their parents.  

“I don’t understand how some people can be so stupid. I asked him 90 times to pick up Bella and I get called in the middle of work once again, with someone telling me no one was there to pick up my child,” my mom said. 

“I am tired of living in this place where it's only me who puts any effort to move this household forward.” 

Many times I just listen with no response. I selfishly sometimes think that It’s not my fault things are this way. I even wonder why she stays. But I know why. It’s for my sister and I. And then I feel terribly guilty that I get annoyed about the fact that my mother tells me her frustration with my father.

I am a Malayalee Indian American. Back home in Kerala, the elders are very conservative. Divorce will bring nothing but shame on a family. It will not only ruin the reputation of the family, it will stop the broken couple’s children from getting married into another Malayalee family. 

Personally, I do nothing but despise this attitude. But unfortunately, our reputation in our community and for the sake of my sister and I, my mother has decided to give up finding her right life partner. I am not saying what she is doing is right, but I respect her for doing it.

Everyone tends to fixate on perfection. But that’s not reality. Nobody has a perfect life because if it's perfect then it's not life. Life comes with obstacles, it at times requires change, it at times requires hard work. We need to make important decisions that will benefit us and not the rest of society. 

“Mummy, I am tired of hearing the same story over and over again. It’s always just complaints about the same person who we know will not only ever change, will never see your perspective because he just thinks and operates completely differently than you,” I said one day.

I felt instant regret.

“Kunje, in this world you are the only one who I can share the pain I’ve been holding for the past 25 years. You are the only one who understands because you see it,” replied my Mama. 

I have the utmost respect in the sense that I understand the sacrifice she is making. My mother is a charismatic, talented, extroverted, funny, and beautiful person. It would be a privilege for anyone to be with her. I am deeply saddened that she did not get the opportunity in this lifetime due to a mistake she made when she was my age, 19. 

I have learned so much through the life my mother lives. I have learned the importance of really getting to know someone before committing to a lifetime with them. I know the impact that being unhappy in a marriage can have on a person. 

I know this has created a fear inside of me in terms of allowing myself to get close to anyone in the romantic sense. I have a fear that I won’t be able to see the red signs. I have a fear I will just get caught in the moment like my mother did and fall into something that was not meant for me. I have a fear of being stuck. 

What brings me happiness, I’ve recently realized, is my relationships with people. I am an extreme extrovert and it brings me joy to be able to deeply connect with anyone. I have many close friends and I’ve spent enough time with each and everyone of them to fully understand them as they have me. I prioritize this in life. I am attached to almost everyone in my life. I do this day at times find myself dwelling on a friendship that ended 4 years ago with someone I considered close. I am fearful that this attitude won’t do me well in a romantic relationship. With all this combined, in my 19 years, I’ve never connected with anyone that way. I am aware I have many years to come, and this shouldn’t be a focus in my life, but, I find myself thinking about it a lot. 

I’ve come to realize that a good relationship will consist of kindness, loyalty, communication, and understanding. It has nothing to do with looks, money, or status. It has everything to do with a deep connection physically and mentally.

  I've learned a lot about the necessity of writing about subjects that you're passionate about from this post. Because this article is about a really personal situation, I believe I was able to write it fairly well. People can see depth and sense emotion in writing, in my opinion as a reader. This piece is a follow-up to Imitation #4, officially my Assignment #1, which encouraged us to construct and elaborate on a quarrel we'd had before, giving it our own unique spin. Through this article, I've learnt a lot about myself, not only as a writer, but also in terms of how I react to events and how I handle when things get tough. 

  As a writer, I've learned that there is a specific way to write my own analytical thoughts on the situations I'm explaining in my writing, and that I must be clear in doing so so that the reader understands my point of view and the point I'm trying to make, which in this case was the importance of being with someone who is compatible with us. This all boils down to the necessity to be able to enjoy ourselves in our relationships because this is the only way for the relationship to last a long time.