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Abstract is improved but still needs a bit more work. Ask me to help you in class tomorrow. :) Also, put it at the beginning of the paper, single spaced, indented, like in other research articles. Much better job at integrating your history to support your argument! Needs more multimodality. Check your topic sentences. Most are good but go through them and make sure they say what the paragraph is arguing while also connecting to your thesis somehow. Check sources for credibility. Check all claims for citations. Check quotes for page numbers. Root cause weak. Many sources are weak, missing some evidence. Counterargument section to therapy solution? What about the cost, for example? How will you implement it? Good job so far....keep working and you'll get there! You got this! :D
Anne Elizabeth Yaniga, Mar 2 at 5:41pm
Also see my in-line comments.
Anne Elizabeth Yaniga, Mar 2 at 5:41pm
Several grammatical errors, but nonetheless quite clear on thesis: how VG addiction impacts society and a solution is therapy

In this second draft I had to add more information as to why therapy was the best solution. When I met with Annie she gave me the idea of rearranging my paragraphs so that my essay had a better structure with the counterargument first an then the argument. I had to add more research on therapy and different ways people could get access to it. I also added more pictures and fixed the captions.