These two excerpts show the same improvements that were seen in my HCP example. The paragraphs are focused and confined and do not stray off topic. The focus on improving macro-organization and avoiding dense paragraphs were clear and emphasized.

Figure 1: This excerpt shows that the topic of for profit hospitals is clear in this paragraph. The rest of the paragraph does not deviate from this topic.

Figure 2: This excerpt shows how the topic of the single payer system is clear and the rest of the paragraph does not deviate from this topic.